I am so fucking stressed what can i do to not want to die?

Health Care - Published on Monday, May 17th, 2010 at 1:26 am

i am 18 years old and i have been so stressed out lately that the best thing i can think of to do is suicide. i have never been like this but ever since i got kicked out of my house and was forced to live with my friend with
a) no job or money
b)in the middle of a ressesion where there is no work
my life sucks my roommate and me were so close to saying fuck it all and trying to walk from salem, oregon all the way to california then walking all the way to colorado with like 400 bucks in the middle of winter. keep in mind that we have no car and nowhere to sleep and its like 4000 miles or so. all we kept coming back to was shit our lives suck we have no future and if we wined up frozen to death on the side of the road then that might be a good thing and who cares??? i mean i live in the worst neighbohood in town where you can either see a drunk person or someone on meth or something every way you look and its sick and it doesnt make my life any easier seeing all these ppl around me failing i mean i hear ambulance sirens almost every hour and that is a fucking depressing sound. My girlfriend of almost 2 years just dumped me and three days later i got a text that she is already on this other guy and it just fucking hurt so bad that i drank a half gallon of vodka in 2 days and now i use zanex everyday to try to ease my broken heart and the worst part is that i was so mad i slammed my head against a door so hard and so many times i woke up twenty mins later with blood running down my head(no i wasnt drunk or high). i smoke almost a pack of ciggarets a day now because of stress and the fact that i love her so much and even though we broke up all i can think about is how much i care for her and just dont want to see her get hurt by this guy and i know what type of guy he is he just wants to be in her pants and thats not what she is seeing in him but everyone else sees it. she is an awesome girl but things changed…she changed and it scares me to see her go down that path of being a booty call and not even realizing it…my little sister whom i love more then the world was held down at knife point and raped and dear fucking god that hurts so bad seeing her be so depressed i cant get out of my mind either i just want to find the guy and rip him limb from limb. i am also a clinical insomniac i average around 2-3 hours of sleep a night and that takes a tole on my mental health im sure and when i dream what do you think i dream about?..her of course my girlfriend and us back with each other and then i wake up and just wanna fucking scream and cry you know? i thought that it wouldnt be that bad of an idea to go and get like 20 morphine and take them all at once and the sad thing is is that i can get 20 morphine in about 2 hours and it is so fucking tempting. i am naturally a high stressed person and the one person i looked for help from was my girlfriend and now i have noone to relax with seeing as how my roommate is having some of the same thoughts. i have stopped eating for the most part a meal here and there but really no substance going in just alcohol and ciggs and zanex. ahhhhhgahhhh my life is a fucking dark abyss and i hate where i am not to even mention all the shit i went through as a kid such as a mom addicted to meth and her trying to kill herself in front of me and all the other she she did to fuck my mind up for life a step mom who was a hard alcoholic and totally cut me down everyday making my existance feel like it was nothing. im so close to finishing highschool and i can seem to find the motivation to go because
a) she is at school with me(my ex that is)
b)i hate the ppl at my school they are all so immature
but at the same time what i have been doing isnt mature at all. one of my other friends is suicidal and she only talks to me about it and i cant just say “hey look i cant talk to you anymore i got my own shit” cause then what happenes if she goes and kills herself what am i to think ill blame myself seeing as how she says that im the only one she can talk to. for now i am only going to write these things down because this has gotten very long and maybe ill post another one about the rest of my life problems later. any help would be appreciated or even if this makes anyone else feel better about there life it will make it worth posting thank you very much

6 Comments to “I am so fucking stressed what can i do to not want to die?”

  • IJToomer says:

    Yeah, so I didn’t read all this, but first, if you have no money – stop drinking, smoking and spending your money on crap. Second, get a job. Yes, times are not good right now, but there is still opportunity out there, even if it is just McDonalds – it is still a job. Third, your suicidal friend – get her some help. Fourth, get yourself a counselor or psychologist. Lastly, forget about your girlfriend and focus on your life.

    Only you can make your life better – and remember, you may think you have it bad, but there is always someone else who has it worse.

    ADD: Sorry – I don’t want to sound harsh. You sound like you are going through a really hard time. But, my point is that only you can make it better. I would suggest organizing the things in your life that you want to fix, prioritize them, then work on them one by one. And I still think that you need to find a professional to talk to. Good luck. E-mail me if you want to vent more – I really am a good listener. =)

  • pixidoas243w says:

    deal with it, suck it up and do what you can to make ends meat, be a man, rub some salt in your wounds and get strong.

  • positivechange@ymail.com says:

    Do you realize the fact the you can explain this much in detail to us that you really do care about people and yourself. Dark times we all have. What I ask you to do right now is make a list of everything you are thankful for. Health, common sense, strenght, brains…
    Look past the negative. learn from those people who you see and feel their pain and find a way to realize you can do something different.
    I would walk down to the shelter and offer help to those who have no place to go. offer to clean the dishes. talk with a lost soul. you will be able to put your life in perspective, even though you feel at a loss right now, it may be for a reason. You will learn something from this stage in your life. Your sister needs you, your friend needs you.
    Take baby steps to create your own happy place. School is just a few years in your life to get through. Do it, learn, have fun somehow and when you’re done you will have your diploma to move on to something else. I can’t say most guys would have the courage and wisdom to see past themselves, but you do. even though it is rough at the moment, I feel you will reaching out to others with reward you in some way. hang in there.

  • Michael says:

    unfortunately I know how you feel, I’ve been there, and I know it hurts. If you truly are going to kill yourself, there is nothing anyone can say to stop you. So I will keep this short; It’s a cliche to say that time heals all wounds, but it’s true. On the flip side of that, it is scientific fact that change, even of the smallest degree, requires time to see fruition. I cannot, in good standing, say that reading your post makes me feel better about my life, because I cannot take pleasure in the pain others. I can, however, lend you support, and somebody to talk to if you’re interested. As I said, I’ve been there, recently in fact (I’m only a year older than you) if you would like to talk further, I would be happy to pen pal with you – my email is mserebreny@yahoo.com

    Perhaps Winston Churchill said it best, Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it’s the courage to continue that counts.

    A common misconception is that people who commit suicide are weak or afraid of life. This is ridiculous! To actually carry out such a strong act takes a certain fearlessness and, yes, courage. If you have the courage to end it, you certainly have it in you to be strong enough to carry on. Channel that energy into life.

    I understand what it’s like to loose the one you’re in love with, there is no pain greater, but like I said, it will get better. It’s taken me a year and a half to move on and be whole again, you too will find peace again, but it will take time, strength, and courage which, simply because you asked for help, I know you have :)

    Feel free to make use of my email address if you like, I’m happy to help if I can.

    Walk with peace

  • The Caun from Lousisana says:

    Try being 46 years old man, dealing with even worst than you are going through now. I have children older than you are. It is not easy to make it in life and we all go through our hard/dark times. I have faith in myself as well as I do for you but you have to have faith in yourself to….Noone ever said it would be easy or painfree but you have alot going for you…listen to some of the good advice I have seen wrote back to you here from other folks….Keep this in mind also…I have been married twice got into a bad accident which broke my body, I can’t work and I have no income at all. I can’t walk well and my health is getting worse…I not asking for anything from anyone but when you think you have it bad there is always someone whom has it worst than you…..Good luck…. pull yourself up by the boot straps because it will get better only if you put an effort in it and ask God for help won’t hurt either…..I am folling my own advice to you….Write me here if you would like to I will try to help as much as possible.

  • raf says:

    hey hang in there.. I feel the same way bro. we all got problems on this planet. even though we may not see it, everyone has big problems wit themselves and their lives. The reason we dont see it is because of the fact that we all have different lifestyles, different interest, different tasks to do. But in the end we’re all suffering mentally, spiritually, and physically Id say at about the same amount. everybody suffers. Hang in there man I feel for you. Im not going exactly through wat your going through, but i got problems i cant deal with anymore too. Just try to deal wit it. Limit the alcohol, smoking, drugs, cuz we all know that its not good for your health.. I got addicted, now i have to deal wit it too.. So do everything you can to be strong

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