Why does life treat me like shit?Health Care - Published on Saturday, May 8th, 2010 at 1:34 am
I am a 26-year-old with many problems and difficulties in life. My father left us when we were very young and I have only bad memories of him. My mother then remarried another man, who brought us up and took care of us. My mother also made many sacrifices in her life to give us a proper life. I married around 3 years ago and went through a hellish experience with my mother-in-law and at that time, my husband was also jobless. I had to come back to my mother’s place and I had to live away from my husband for around a year. My mother-in-law stopped talking to me and she banned me from even visiting my husband’s place for that one year. Eventually, after that gap, my husband decided to come back to me after much resistance from his mother. It has been two years since he has started living with me and my mother-in-law has not spoken to my husband since then. My husband holds me responsible for it, but I never had any verbal fight with my mother-in-law. I used to confine myself in a room the whole day because I was scared of my mother-in-law and because she used to shout at me for no specific reason to create a negative image about me in my husband’s mind.
After coming to my mother’s place, I thought things would get better for me, but it never seems to improve. My mother is of dominating character and my stepfather displays the same behavior. I am not able to spend a single peaceful day. There is something or the other they bring up against my husband and I always have to fight with him. I am emotionally tortured between my parents and my husband. My husband feels I am not fulfilling my duties as a wife and my parents always accuse that I have no control over my husband because he takes all major and minor decisions in his life without even consulting me. My husband also is highly egoistic and always picks up on me. He wants us to move out of my parents home, but my parents are not okay health-wise and do not want us to move out. I am unable to decide anything, I feel like trash, I cannot breathe. To top it all, I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder and also from a hormonal imbalance due to which I am not able to conceive. I miss my doctor’s appointments because I feel bogged down by the behavior of the people around me and I care less about my health.
Upon doing self analysis, I came to know that since I am meek I am being used as a punching bag by everyone. Even at the lowest ebb, I prefer to hide my negative feelings and sadness from everyone and this in turn has led others to think that I am unaffected by everything and that I am not serious in life about anything. I am trying to be less jovial, less funny, but this is causing me more depression because this is my only defence mechanism, which is helping me survive.
Please do tell me what to do and how to find peace in this mad environment around me. Also, there are times when I think that the problem is not with others, but with me and that I am not a normal person (due to my obsessive-compulsive disorder).
I am currently in a frame of mind where I fear to wake up in the morning because of all the people I have to face and all the accusations I have to listen.
I would be grateful to you if you answer this question because I will be assured that at least someone has listened to what I have to say.